I have a confession to make. (This is not easy and I ask for a full measure of understanding amongst all of you). The strange case of the intermittent street light was not the first time I have come face to face with paranormal powers around a lamp post. (There, it is out in the open now, I can move towards closure).
Many years ago when I was but a slip of a lad I had a strange and life-changing experience with a lamp-post. (My apologies to my new friends in the international street lighting community for my vagueness on the precise identity of the post in question but I suspect that it might have been a Thorn Alpha 7 Gearless). I was hanging around and up to no good - in the words of that immortal troubadour of the lamp post, George Formby, - leaning on a lamp post on the corner of the street. For reasons unknown to me after the passage of so many years I suddenly stood upright .... and I noticed the lamp post readjust itself to a true vertical position. For perhaps the first time I recognised my power as an adult - I had moved a lamp post. Granted it was less than a millimetre, but the post had moved. Once one has tasted the fruit of adult power it is difficult to put the apple down so I pushed against the lamp post again. Again it moved. I pushed again, this time as hard as I could, and the result was the same : distinct movement.
However, it seemed that I had reached the limits of the possible interaction between human muscle and cast iron. But then I made a discovery : a discovery which I still believe - in the right hands - has the potential to save the human race. If I applied force to the lamp post in a periodic fashion, so that my force coincided with the natural cycle of vibration of the metal, the potential effect was much magnified. Once I had got the vibration moving and the timing of my pushing in perfect synchronicity, the resulting movement was spectacular. Within less than a minute the lamp post was swaying wildly from side to side and I became alarmed when something appeared to break off the upper extremities of the post. The noise must have brought my activities to the attention of a passer-by who shouted something like "Hey lad, what tha' think ye doing?". I let go the lamp post and ran.
I could hardly sleep that night. I told nobody of this new power I had discovered. I was unsure whether this was a power that everyone potentially had available to them, or whether I alone had access to it. I couldn't wait to try it again. An opportunity presented itself the following day. It was a road sign and not a lamp post this time but I reasoned that the theory would be the same. I also thought it would be a better experimental rig as there was less to fall off and draw attention to my experiments. Once again, the process worked like a dream. Within seconds I had recognised the natural vibratory sway of the post and by adding just a little acceleration on each cycle, the street sign was swaying like a sapling in a hurricane. I watched amazed as the sign began to slip its concrete mooring and tear up the surrounding earth. Eventually it began to fall and I started to get very, very scared. I caught a glimpse of what I thought was a police car heading up the road and I began to run. I didn't stop running until I got home.
Later that night I made a vow. Well two vows actually. One I would never make use of my powers again (I eventually added a rider to this vow - "unless the world is in danger" - I was only about twelve and very keen on Superman). The second was that I would tell no one of what had happened. I did not want labelling a freak or to be treated differently to anyone else.
Until today, I have kept these two vows. Now I have broken the second. Perhaps the time is right to break the first as well. There is an Urbis Side Entry ZX1 (Flat Glass) just opposite our house and it's ripe for swaying.
On the advice of my doctors I have to announce that this is the last in the series "A Short Treatise On Lamp Posts"