Chastened by the rejection of my socialist dreams by the British electorate, I have decided to embrace capitalism. Anxious to become a proper part of this share-owning, currency-speculating, hedge fund-betting society, I have just bought some shares in King's Department Stores Inc of Brockton, Massachusetts. I managed to acquire 100 shares for a little over £1 and I have high hopes of them earning rich rewards in the months and years to come. Before you write in to break the bad news, let me just say that I know the public record says that the company went bankrupt in 1982. However, we venture capitalists have more than our fair share of belief and vision, and no doubt such a plucky little enterprise can bounce back from such a temporary reverse in trading conditions.
And if not, well at least I have the beauty of the share certificate to console me and the enigmatic smile of that young lady who embraces the globe from the comfort of the Ladies' Shoe Department in downtown Brockton.