Deep Fried Missionary

Feeling a cold coming on this weekend I went on Saturday lunchtime to the local Fish and Chip shop. It’s not that I am claiming that good old traditional Yorkshire fish and chips can cure the common cold, it’s just that you might as well enjoy some decent food whilst your nose is dripping and your throat is digesting sandpaper. Anyway, whilst waiting for the freshly fried fish to be scooped out of the bubbling oil (admit it, you’re already salivating), I glanced at the notice board next to the counter and there is a laminated and typed sheet headed “Mission Statement”. At first I thought it was one of those jokey seaside-postcard things much loved by fish and chip shops of old (“Please don’t ask for credit as a punch on the nose often offends”). But on closer inspection it turned out to be horrifyingly real. I can’t remember the exact wording, but it went something like this : MISSION STATEMENT It is our aim to serve our customers with the very best freshly-fried and nutritious fish and chips, prepared from locally sourced products and served by attentive, courteous and well-qualified staff. This, of course, raises all sorts of questions. What kind of society do we now live in? Why does even the local fish and chip shop believe it is necessary to have a bloody Mission Statement? Is there no end to this? It nearly put me off my fish and chips. Nearly, but not quite.