Thursday, May 22, 2008

Following In The Footsteps of W H Smith, F W Woolworth, and Maureen Brown's Mother

Thinking what to do with myself as I sit back and watch my potato tubs flourish, I have decided to open a shop. I have always quite fancied running a shop. I remember Maureen Brown - who was in the same junior school class as me. Her mother used to have a little corner shop and I used to think it was the most exciting and romantic occupation anyone could aspire to. I even considered proposing to Maureen in the hope that I might inherit the shop when I grew up. But I didn't pursue my troth and therefore I didn't enter the wonderful world of retail trade. Until yesterday, that is.

The wonderful thing about the new digital age is that there is nothing to stop any man from realising his most basic desires - in a virtual if not a real sense. So yesterday I decided to fulfil those fulminating inner feelings that have been crowding out my id like bugs in a bedpan. I opened a shop.

Welcome to Alan Burnett's Amazon Store where you can find all those books, records, dvd's, and plastic shoes you have always been looking for. Drop in, have a chat with the avuncular owner and buy with confidence. Be sure of a reliable service, be sure of a wide selection, be sure of quality products at competitive prices ... and be sure in the knowledge that every time you spend a pound 4p goes to a very good cause. Me.

After launching the shop yesterday I haven't actually sold anything yet, but such enterprises are often plagued by a slow start, especially in hard economic times such as these. But I have no doubt that trade will pick up soon (and if it doesn't I will buy something from my own shop so that I can earn my 4%). I am still getting used to my new role as a shopkeeper but in the weeks and months to come there will be all sorts of things happening. There will be special offers, summer sales, exclusive discounts and a further expansion in our product range.

So follow this link (or the link in the side panel) and visit my shop. You have nothing to lose. I have 4% to gain.

1 comment:

  1. This is very exciting, - my work on sale in Alan Burnett's shop! I hope soon to have a follow up volume to join it: 'The Lost College' and Other Oxford Stories. The only problem is, a slight conflict of interest. I think if you ordered the book from my website instead (, I too would earn 4p. On the other hand, every month Amazon sends me an E-mail saying that sadly, I haven't actually earned anything this time. God forbid it should all turn out to be a con!


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