My name is Alan and I am a collector.
I collect anything. I collect books, old photographs, glass plate negatives, musty magazines, jam jars, old coins, beer mats and bus tickets. I collect things other people can't be bothered collecting. I collect things no sane human being would be interested in collecting. I collect collections.
For reasons I can't explain - indeed in the cold light of reason I can't even understand myself - I recently bought a series of clippings from movies. These are little strips of 35mm film that are only five frames in length and can be of no conceivable use to any mortal being. I came across them on eBay, being sold by a chap in Germany. Nobody seemed interested in buying any, which is of no surprise at all. Nobody could think of a use for them. Nobody in their right mind could collect such things.
Which is why I bought them. I have a collection of things that nobody else collects. The wonderful thing about the internet, however, is that it instantly puts you in touch with people from all over the world who may just, by chance, share whatever strange compulsion keeps you going each day.
Thus if there is anyone out there who, by chance, is a collector of pictures of tattooed ladies standing in butchers shops would they please get in touch with me. I have something they may well be interested in. My name is Alan and I am a collector.