Monday, January 24, 2011

Start At The End To Get The Results You Want

So all I need to do is to find £119 (plus VAT) and blogging success is guaranteed. (Hang on, this probably doesn't make sense, let me start at the beginning one final time.....)

Being deaf I normally have problems with telephone conversations. My cochlear implant can just about cope with calls from people I know saying things I expect (the Good Lady Wife, for example, has been saying the same thing for forty years and therefore presents no challenge), but it fails miserably with cold callers of all shapes and sizes. This, of course, is a considerable advantage, and my usual response to the chap trying to sell me debt management, double glazing or a stair lift is to simply say "I am so terribly sorry but I am quite deaf and not able to hear you. However you obviously have my name and address so I would appreciate it if you could put whatever you are trying to say on paper and send it to me. Thank you and goodbye." Such an approach normally gets rid of most people. 

Sometimes I will try and make a special effort to understand what is being said but this often results in more confusion than it is worth. I finish up with some garbled message which is either a result of my imperfect hearing or the somewhat eccentric nature of modern society. Take, for example, a call I received today from British Gas. One of their service engineers contacted me last week to say that an engineer would be calling on Wednesday morning to reconnect the outflow pipe from my boiler. I managed to understand the message and made an appropriate note in my diary. Today I had a phone call from another British Gas customer service operative who said - as far as I was able to understand it - the following : "Hello Mr Burnett, I am just calling you to let you know that someone will be calling you later this afternoon to confirm that an engineer will be calling on Wednesday". This is the strangest communication I have had since, twenty-five years ago I was in hospital recovering from an operation and was shaken awake at 2.00 in the morning by a frightening looking Ward Sister who said "Wake up Mr Burnett, it's time to take your sleeping pill"

Shortly after the bizarre British Gas call this morning I received one of those silly e-mails trying to persuade me to attend a seminar which will transform me into a top salesperson in just three hours. Entitled "Influencing On The Telephone" it promised, for just £119 (plus VAT) to reveal the secrets of, amongst other things :
  • Use the 'principles of influence' that are proven to work
  • Learn the 7 'speaking do's' relevant to every call
  • Learn how to avoid the 3 'speaking don'ts'
  • How to use the words that change minds
  • Find out when it's right to admit you are wrong!
  • Begin at the end and get the results you want!
  • What are the 4 essential skills for outstanding telephone communication
  • Get people to say 'Yes' more often
  • How to avoid the common 'telephone pitfalls'
  • Find out what customers really want on the phone
  • Learn how to easily handle the difficult client
  • Gain techniques for getting people to pay up
  • Handling rejection - how to move on and bounce back
  • The critical importance of the 'little things' - and what they are
  • Turn any 'complainer' into a 'supporter'
  • Develop the 'scripts' that will increase your influence - and your sales
  • Managing the customer's experience for great results
  • Learn the power of the Three H's
  • Understand the 3 C's of customer service
  • Learn the questions guaranteed to turn things around
  • See how the 'Butterfly Effect' can work for you 
I have to admit I was sorely tempted. I would love to know how the Butterfly Effect could work for me. I want people to say "Yes" more often and I would love to know the secrets of the Three H's and the Three C's. I am convinced that these lessons could be just as effective  for blogging as for selling people rubbish over the phone. I am sure there are 7 blogging do's and I fear there may be 3 blogging don'ts. I want to handle rejection (why haven't I had any new followers recently?) and bounce back (who cares). I long to turn complainers into supporters. But most of all I want to begin at the end and get the results I want. So all I need to do is to find £119 (plus VAT) and blogging success is guaranteed.


  1. I'm really stuck on the three H's.What could they be? Harass, harangue, and hogwash?

    And I'm just totally stumped on the three C's. Please, Alan, pay the 119 pounds and find out for us.

  2. Save your 119 pounds (plus VAT). Your blog 'sells' itself through posts such as this one. You already know the 3 H's and the 3 C's! A Heady mixture of Humour and History, sweetened with Caramel-malt and Carbonated in a very likeable Cask named Alan. A perfect micro-brewery in my opinion.

  3. I get so many "make more money" emails in a day that they have their own sub-folder in my spam folder.

  4. I used to be a member of 4-H Club when I was a girl. It stands for head, hands, heart and health. I'm curious about the three H's.

    Handling rejection - how to move on and bounce back sounds interesting, too!

  5. This list sounds like it should be in a Mother's Handbook..How to Raise Childrem and Keep Your Sanity! LOL!

    My favorite...How to use the words that change minds. :)

    My favorite for The Mister...Find out when it's right to admit you are wrong! LOL!

    I've stopped answering the phone! More times than not, when the phone rings, I find myself saying, "Go away!" as if the caller can hear me. haha. I just let the answering machine get it.

  6. Pity they don't give this training to customer service in our major utilities and banks. They seem staffed by ordinary mortals who have been given no training whatsoever.

  7. Have you subscribed to the Telephone Preference Service? If you do, loads of those silly calls get blocked.

    I assume the butterfly effect in question is the tiny change now big consequences later one.

  8. Brilliant post, Alan. Laughed out loud at the thought of a ward sister waking you, to give you your sleeping pill.

    I had a young chap on the phone from BT, last Friday evening, who insisted on calling me 'mate'! And, he was one the customer service team. Perhaps he needs that course more than you.

  9. I don't think you need to sign up for it. You've made it sound intriguing enough that I want to sign up for it. What are the 3 C's indeed?!

  10. There is a proliferation of links these days about 5 of this and 12 of that, all ensuring a panacea and lives of perfection. Enjoyable post! (I did not know about your hearing challenge and appreciate your assessment.)

  11. Presumably deaf people like you and me are among the 'common telephone pitfalls'! I do so relate to this. The only person I can understand on the phone now is my mother, who used to be a telephonist and has a great 'telephone voice'. I don't even answer the darned thing nowadays.

  12. i only know the secret of the 5 p's - i'm dying to know what the 3 h's and 3 c's are!!

    if you find them out please put up a post about them!!

    wonderful post.

    ah, phones - a blessing and a curse

  13. I can hear and I don't answer the phone ..I hate the interuptions for silly questions.
    Three C's...yes take the class so we can find out all the answers.:)


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  A chance photograph taken through the kitchen window in order to check to see if my Nikon B700 is still working. It is!